Rossini: I don’t really like this example here because this is suppose to be your intro. Introduce Yoshino and who he is. And don’t forget to introduce your other author as well.
Me: I agree with this comment after rereading my paper because I realize now that it was not smart of me to put an example like this in my introduction paragraph. Introduction paragraphs are a struggle for me sometimes.
Rossini: Not a good sentence
Me: There isn’t a lot of context to this comment, but I until I received this comment on one of my sentences, I didn’t realize how bad of a sentence it was. After I read my essay again, I realized that it was bad and I need to delete it .
Professor Center: The problem with the quote is that it’s hard to understand without more context. What if you quoted only the example of a straight white man who has to cover, making it part of a sentence or two of your own explaining this?
Me: I never thought of reducing the quote, only because I figured that if the while quote wasn’t in the paper, that it wouldn’t make sense. However, I now realize that I can reduce the size of the quote and just put the rest in my own words.
Professor Center: Here’s the introduction that you need earlier. This paragraph seems out of place here. Shouldn’t it be a part of the paragraph about covering and assimilation on your third page?
Me: I’m glad that we have peer editing because it is showing me all of the small mistakes that I missed myself. Organization has always been an issue for me, so having someone point it out to me is really helpful.
